First time seeing my biological family

My first airplane experience

   Here's me, traveled to the city of smiles Bacolod, Philippines. My hometown where my family lives. In the photo above, I still manage to smile but deep inside it was not the way it seems. There's this feeling of excitement but also the feeling for agony and sorrow because my brother passed away. :(

   Yes sadly, that's why i'm going. I can't explain the feeling, it's happy to see your biological family for the first time but at the back of your mind you're lamenting for your family's loss. There's this questions in my head, "God, why did you allow this to happen?" God answered me, "There's reason behind everything. Just trust me in this situation. I am in control, my daughter. I will never leave you." Though fear and doubt creeps in still God lifted me up.

   Arriving to Silay Airport, first time seeing my sister and my other brother brings me so much joy, to feel you're belong to a family that you're wanting to know. But when we came to the funeral home where my mother waits for us, the feeling of sadness creeps into my heart when I saw my older brother in that situation.


     

First time seeing my brother :(

At the funeral home. First time seeing my mother and other relatives as well as my brother's friends.

 

   That moment take me to a different kind of world. The irony of life, still tons of questions continues to bugs me off but some realizations found me that "There's a time for everything" and the feeling when you're on the people you were meant to be, your true family. A different kind of feeling when you feel you're truly accepted no matter what. I'm not saying that I don't feel that way in my present family. All i'm saying is that, when you're with the person you're meant to, there's this glancing of the heart knowing that you found what you're searching for. (Before I found them, God had already satisfied my heart. He has filled me with love and contentment that I've never found in them. But now that I found my true family, God really never fail to amazed me. At this moment, I have nothing to ask for.) 

 

My brother( in white ) and my cousins

My relatives

 There's this feeling of joy when I saw how many my relatives are. So fun to be with them, talked with them. Cherished those times with the people I love. And there's this point of saying goodbye to my dearest brother.

The last time I saw my brother

 
 For Kuya Sylvester,

     Wherever you are, I know you're happy right now. You're in God's hands. Everytime I think of you, I'm missing you in everyday of my life. Seeing how many friends you have who cares and loves you are signs that you are truly a kind, extraordinary,smart and loving person. How you love your family more than you love yourself. Your sacrifices makes me want to know you more. How your passion for books drives you crazy. Regretting why I don't witness all of those things. I'm proud to have you as my kuya, even though you're gone now I know someday we'll meet again. You're one of my inspirations, you make my dreams come true by making me known the truth that i'm searching for. Thank you kuya for everything. You are treasured in our hearts forever. I love you. I will take care of mama, ate and kuya jep.

                                                                                            Loving you forever,  

      Rajj

 

 Ate BB, Mama, Me and Kuya Jep

   I know Kuya is happy seeing us right now. Now that I'm in Manila, i'm missing my family a lot. But I know, we'll meet again someday.

   When we don't understand what God is doing, put your trust only to him. Because He knows what He's doing, he knows your every need.

 "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning." Prov. 30:5b

 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

     God bless you,

Rajj