First time seeing my biological family

My first airplane experience

   Here's me, traveled to the city of smiles Bacolod, Philippines. My hometown where my family lives. In the photo above, I still manage to smile but deep inside it was not the way it seems. There's this feeling of excitement but also the feeling for agony and sorrow because my brother passed away. :(

   Yes sadly, that's why i'm going. I can't explain the feeling, it's happy to see your biological family for the first time but at the back of your mind you're lamenting for your family's loss. There's this questions in my head, "God, why did you allow this to happen?" God answered me, "There's reason behind everything. Just trust me in this situation. I am in control, my daughter. I will never leave you." Though fear and doubt creeps in still God lifted me up.

   Arriving to Silay Airport, first time seeing my sister and my other brother brings me so much joy, to feel you're belong to a family that you're wanting to know. But when we came to the funeral home where my mother waits for us, the feeling of sadness creeps into my heart when I saw my older brother in that situation.


     

First time seeing my brother :(

At the funeral home. First time seeing my mother and other relatives as well as my brother's friends.

 

   That moment take me to a different kind of world. The irony of life, still tons of questions continues to bugs me off but some realizations found me that "There's a time for everything" and the feeling when you're on the people you were meant to be, your true family. A different kind of feeling when you feel you're truly accepted no matter what. I'm not saying that I don't feel that way in my present family. All i'm saying is that, when you're with the person you're meant to, there's this glancing of the heart knowing that you found what you're searching for. (Before I found them, God had already satisfied my heart. He has filled me with love and contentment that I've never found in them. But now that I found my true family, God really never fail to amazed me. At this moment, I have nothing to ask for.) 

 

My brother( in white ) and my cousins

My relatives

 There's this feeling of joy when I saw how many my relatives are. So fun to be with them, talked with them. Cherished those times with the people I love. And there's this point of saying goodbye to my dearest brother.

The last time I saw my brother

 
 For Kuya Sylvester,

     Wherever you are, I know you're happy right now. You're in God's hands. Everytime I think of you, I'm missing you in everyday of my life. Seeing how many friends you have who cares and loves you are signs that you are truly a kind, extraordinary,smart and loving person. How you love your family more than you love yourself. Your sacrifices makes me want to know you more. How your passion for books drives you crazy. Regretting why I don't witness all of those things. I'm proud to have you as my kuya, even though you're gone now I know someday we'll meet again. You're one of my inspirations, you make my dreams come true by making me known the truth that i'm searching for. Thank you kuya for everything. You are treasured in our hearts forever. I love you. I will take care of mama, ate and kuya jep.

                                                                                            Loving you forever,  

      Rajj

 

 Ate BB, Mama, Me and Kuya Jep

   I know Kuya is happy seeing us right now. Now that I'm in Manila, i'm missing my family a lot. But I know, we'll meet again someday.

   When we don't understand what God is doing, put your trust only to him. Because He knows what He's doing, he knows your every need.

 "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning." Prov. 30:5b

 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

     God bless you,

Rajj

Hair Transformation

      

    Hairstyles from 2009-2013.

Me at 18: Unfinished

        The waiting is finally over. Almost all girls dream to have this kind of celebration and I'm one of those. I pray that this moment in my life, I want to praise God for who He is in my 18 years of my existence. This is not about me and I praise God that He has given me the desire to extend his love and grace by sharing my life experiences and life's revelation. Truly, this is one of those moments that creates a big turning point in my life.

Most of my visitors were my closest friends from church, highschool and college. The event was held in Stonehouse Hotel at E.rodriguez, Quezon City. 

                Oh, Originally, I really don't have an escort but my mentor surprised me to have a game where boys will compete to each other to won and be my escort. They danced gangnam style and that's itt, Nathaniel was chosen! My highschool friend! =)

Most unforgettable moment of my life, my first dance. A dance with my father. Look how happy I was! 

This photo is so cute. Our first picture together with papa. So Happy!

Then, at the last part of my program I give my own speech about the event and how God acted upon my life. Some of the excerpts in my script, "That I've found my identity in Christ. What I am today is who God is upon my life. God is so faithful that I want him to be exalted even in this joyous times. For he is the reason why I'm living. To God be the glory. He's so good"

Here's a video of my presentation, I sang "Steady my Heart-Kari Jobe"

Cassandra na lang ang itawag mo sa akin.

Wag seryosohin ang title ng post na ito. 

Sa totoo talaga, ayaw ko ng pangalan ko eh.(Rajah) Alam naman nating panlalaki at may kakaiba pang meaning ang nakalakip sa pangalang ito. Naaalala ko pala kapag first day of class, lagi kong nararamdaman yung feeling na abnormal ka. Abnormal in a way na unique ka sa iba.(Dark Side ng pagka-unique) Nahihiya ako pag tinawag ako tapos yung mga kaklase mo naman todo tingin sayo pag tapos mo tawagin. Para sa akin, big deal talaga ang pangalan ko.

Ngayong college nga, napagkamalan akong lalaki dahil sa pangalan ko. Saklap lang.(Chos!)
Anong connect ng cassandra? Syempre, yan ang gusto kong pangalan na sana naisip nila mama nung pinanganak ako. Kaya naiinggit ako sa mga girls na may pangalang cassandra. Wala lang. Gusto ko lang talaga siya. Tingin ko kasi bagay sa akin ang pangalang ito.

Pero sa 17 years na binuhay ko sa mundong ito. Natututunan ko ng tanggapin ang pangalang ito. Kasi naglalarawan ito kung sino ako eh. Sabi nga ng isa kong friend, "Kaya pala Rajah pangalan mo, may royal blood ka, you're a princess of God's" Sarap pakinggan diba? Dun pa lang napagisip-isip ko na, dapat ko talagang mahalin ang pangalang ito.

Nagiisip din ako ng magandang pangalan ng url ng blog ko. Eh, personal blog ko naman ito kaya laging sumasanggi sa isip ko yung buong pangalan ko na lang kaya. Pero yun nga, baka mapagkamalan na lalaki ang may-ari nito pero dahil natutunan ko ng mahalin ang pangalan ko, eto na talaga ang url ko.

"Rajah ang itawag mo sa akin pero pwede din Rajj for short."